


Spit It Out (your feelings are choking you)

by Emerald_Heart12



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: ;; this is kinda sad sorry, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drug Use, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Overdose, Painkiller Overdose, Suicide Attempt, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unresolved Emotional Tension, akihiko is just very concerned, but lots of kisses, but not like... actual drugs ugetsu just tries to hop himself up on painkillers, kinda??, no actual romance, this is a little heavy, ugetsu is not healthy tm, ugetsu is problematic tm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:01:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21647983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emerald_Heart12/pseuds/Emerald_Heart12
Summary: Akihiko is concerned with the rate at which Ugetsu's painkillers are disappearing. He's even more concerned when he finds out why.Prompt: “How many did you take? Open your mouth, I need to see.”
Relationships: Kaji Akihiko & Murata Ugetsu, Kaji Akihiko/Murata Ugetsu
Kudos: 42
Collections: Emma's Prompt-based Fic Collection





	Spit It Out (your feelings are choking you)

**Author's Note:**

> The entire time I was writing this, I was listening to [Ghost](https://youtu.be/sR4ODhaLsnk) by Nico Collins and it's honestly such a fitting song for these two!!

“Oi, Ugetsu! Dinner’s ready, come out and eat something!”

No response. Akihiko sighed, checking Ugetsu’s (perpetually dark) room. 

Still nothing. 

Sighing, Akihiko resigned himself to having to check the whole house. Not that there was much to check, really, he mused as he knocked on the door to the bathroom. 

It opened a crack, letting a sliver of light penetrate the darkness of the room outside—clearly, Ugetsu hadn’t shut the door.  _ Idiot. He knows I can come in anytime. _ Of course, not that Ugetsu would care, really. He only ever seemed to drop his guard completely at home—and therefore, only ever around Akihiko. 

Smug, Akihiko opened the door, only to be faced with the image of Ugetsu slamming down an empty pill bottle. 

A cursory glance showed Akihiko that it had been a box of painkillers, ones Ugetsu had bought for his headaches. They’d been a lot more frequent as of late; Akihiko would have to get more soon—

Wait. 

The last time he’d gone to the pharmacy to buy painkillers was two days ago. There was  _ no way _ Ugetsu could have finished them that quickly. 

Akihiko was in the bathroom, grabbing at Ugetsu’s hands before he was even aware of it, then his hands moved to cup his face, almost trying to force the other man’s mouth open. “How many did you take? Open your mouth, I need to see.”

Obediently, Ugetsu opened his mouth. Akihiko could see at least six pills in Ugetsu’s mouth, and he wasn’t even bothering to count. 

“Spit them out.”

Ugetsu tilted his head as though he was thinking about it, then, with Akihiko’s hands still prying his mouth open, he shook his head slowly—but made no move to close his mouth. Instead, he tilted his head upwards against Akihiko’s grip, and Akihiko could see him trying to push the tablets further into his mouth with his tongue. 

Any other time, just  _ thinking _ about Ugetsu’s tongue would lead Akihiko’s mind to an array of various fantasies and idle thoughts, but now, the urgency of the situation at hand (or rather,  _ in _ his hands) was too pressing. 

Within a split second, Akihiko made his decision. 

He pulled Ugetsu closer and kissed him. 

Okay, maybe calling it a kiss was generous, given its purpose, but it worked: Ugetsu was stunned, if his physical reaction was anything to go by: he’d completely slackened, giving Akihiko room to maneuver the pills out of Ugetsu’s mouth and into his own. And he spat them out in the bin next to the sink. 

“Now,” Akihiko said, wiping his mouth, “can you tell me what the  _ hell _ all that was about?”

“They’re painkillers, right? I’m just using them to kill pain.” Akihiko almost wished that had been as cryptic as Ugetsu usually was. 

“And—and you  _ really _ think that getting high off paracetamols is gonna help you.”

“No, not really,” Ugestu set, glib as ever. 

“Then—shit—then  _ why _ ?”

Ugetsu shrugged. “Dunno.” He looked Akihiko in the eye, but his expression was completely unreadable. Then he frowned. “Kiss me again. It was better than the painkillers.” 

“Wha—?” Akihiko barely had time to think before Ugetsu’s lips were on his, kissing him deeply, forcibly. 

Still, he couldn’t help but lean into the kiss. Ugetsu was—addictive, and Akihiko wasn’t sure he could ever stay away. Something about him—the way he moved, the way he looked, the way he talked, the way he played music, the way he  _ felt _ —was ethereal, putting Akihiko into something of a trance with every action. 

Akihiko, after breaking away, managed to mumble a few words: “What do you want, Ugetsu?” He didn’t mean only now; he’d meant it on a larger scale. 

Ugetsu knew it. “I don’t know,” he said simply, “but for now . . . I want this. You. Whatever this is right now.” Ugetsu promptly silenced Akihiko with another kiss, pushing Akihiko back and drawing him close at the same time, and it felt so,  _ so _ good, and at that moment, Akihiko didn’t care if this was just temporary, he didn’t care that Ugetsu didn’t mean it or that the kiss was loveless and empty; all he cared about was that he was kissing Ugetsu and slowly drowning in the sensation of it. 

So Akihiko didn’t stop him. 

* * *

Neither of them were quite sure what time it was when they finally ate dinner, but as Akihiko was washing the dishes, he met Ugetsu’s eyes. 

“What do you want, Ugetsu?” he asked again. 

Ugetsu bit his lower lip.  _ Perhaps if I knew, things would be easier. _ He wasn’t a fool; he’d known exactly what he was doing when he’d downed all those paracetamols. Instead, he said, “Why did you kiss me?”

Akihiko looked stunned. “I . . . it was the easiest way to shock you enough to get them out of your mouth.”

“An excellent tactical move,” Ugetsu appraised, ignoring the ugly, twisting feeling in his gut—jealousy. 

Not that he could do anything about it now. He’d already made his decision years ago—music over love. 

Some part of him wished he could have chosen both, but he tamped down the thought. 

Some things weren’t possible. 

So he contented himself with watching Akihiko from a distance, where he could still be free. 

**Author's Note:**

> Liked this fic? Join the [Discord server](https://discordapp.com/invite/zWdaSaq)~!


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